I needed you to go first
by littlemisselphie
Summary: After Jane accepts Casey's proposal, Maura realizes she can't hide her feelings anymore. Angst but eventual Rizzles.
1. Chapter 1

At the sound of heels clicking across the floor, Jane looked up from her glass, grinning nervously as Maura slid into the booth across from her.

"Hello Jane" Maura nodded at the waiter, who knew the two of them enough to understand she would want a glass of red. "I've had such an exhausting day! Susie mixed up some DNA and we had to retest it." Maura shook her head, her brow furrowing, "half my day wasted right there." She smiled gratefully at the waiter as he handed her a glass, and she took a small sip. "It was a great idea to meet for drinks tonight Jane. The Dirty Robber is perfect to unwind." Jane bobbed her head along, wringing her hands together beneath the table. Noticing Jane's fidgeting, Maura stopped talking and quirked an eyebrow. "Jane, is there something wrong? Your current physicality suggests you are nervous."

Jane sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Maur" she started, gathering her courage, "There is something I need to tell you." Maura set down her glass, folding her hands on the table, blinking expectantly. "Casey proposed to me." Jane said quickly.

"Oh my" Maura said, shock crossing her face.

"And I said yes."

"Oh" Maura breathed, "Oh my God."

Jane let out a huge rush of air, not sure how to read that response. "Well I mean yeah, it was pretty surprising to say the least. But you know how Casey is, all big actions and out-of-the-blue declarations of love." Jane watched Maura's face, trying to follow the emotions that raced across it. A sticky feeling rose from the bottom of her stomach, and suddenly she felt like she had done something very wrong.

Maura drew herself up, looking down while she needlessly rolled a bracelet up her wrist. Flashing her socialite smile Maura lifted her face, eyes meeting Jane's. "Well then congratulations are in order!"

Jane blinked, momentarily confused at the quick shift. "Uh yeah I guess, thanks"

"Really, this is very exciting! I mean its kind of a bad time, work has been so busy as of late, and you do get so cranky when you're stressed."

Jane squinted, trying to detect any insincerity in her voice. "Maur," she said, her voice soft, "I know this a shock and I know you didn't really care for Casey…"

Maura waved a hand, dismissing Jane with a glint of her new manicure. "Please Jane. My feelings are not germane here. I'm very happy for you. "

It was faint, but just for a second Jane heard a creak in Maura's voice. The doctor stood up abruptly. "I should go, but congratulations Jane. I am glad you are happy and in love" Before Jane could try to comprehend what had happened, Maura was already out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Maura managed to get exactly 37 steps inside her house before she began crying, hot angry tears that left salt burning in her pores. She was so foolish. Maura had been so wrong. She had built up a story in her head, imagining those glances across the Bullpen were special, those nights watching documentaries and drinking beer were a coy way to play house, that the touches she felt on her knee or shoulder lasted just a second too long. Maura had taken all of those things, those seemingly beautiful moments, and built them into a story that had momentum. That the almost humid tension she felt meant they were closer to the inevitable apex of change. Apparently, she was wrong.

Whimpering to herself she pulled her hair into a ponytail and sat numbly on the couch. It was all she could do to keep it together in front of Jane, how could she manage the impending engagement announcement, parties, and bridesmaids duties, let alone the wedding? Maura had realized that Jane had caught her moment of despair before she had compartmentalized her feelings at the bar. She used to love the way Jane knew her so well. Not well enough, she nearly scoffed. But now Maura would not only have to negotiate around her personal heartbreak, but attempt to appear enthusiastic about Jane's nuptials. For a woman as literal and unflinchingly honest as Maura, this seemed a monumental undertaking. She had no choice however; even now she would do anything for Jane.

The next day Jane woke up to the smell of coffee. Smiling, she sat up, stretching out and rolling her neck. Maura must be in a hurry, judging by the instant brew she smelled. Oh, she thought quickly, shaking her head. It wasn't Maura making her coffee, it was- "Casey" she said as he walked into room, carrying two steaming mugs.

"Careful, it's still hot" he warned, handing her a cup and kissing the crown of her head.

"Uh yeah thanks" Jane said, rubbing her eyes. She watched as Casey fumbled throughout the room, trying to understand that sticky feeling that had crept up inside her again. Casey grunted as he crawled back into the bed, his body heat making her squirm. He reached over to grab one of her curls.

"So what do you think? Is this gonna be our marriage bed?" His eyebrows wagged, the joke in his voice good hearted. At the sound of the word marriage the feeling inside her grew, and all she could do was murmur indistinctly at Casey, feigning interest in cooling her coffee. A ping from the bedside table distracted them both, and Jane grabbed her phone. "Who needs you so early?" Casey asked, wrapping his arm around Jane's stomach, leaning her close to him.

"Oh, it's Maura" Jane said, not looking up from her screen.

"Ah yes, the LLBFF" he said, kissing her bare shoulder. "And how is the good doctor?"

"She's fine" Jane answered, tucking away her phone and turning to face the man next to her. "She's apparently not coming in today, which is weird." Jane's brow wrinkled, "She never skips work"

Casey shrugged, tracing a finger across her shoulder, down her sternum and between her breasts. "Maybe she's just sick"

Jane shook her head. "Nah, Maur would have said that. I should go check." And with that she was up, slipping out of bed, ignoring Casey's attempts. He lifted his arms indignantly. Jane threw a hasty apology over her shoulder at him, and shut the door to the bathroom to get dressed.

It was exactly 9:42 am. After a long run and a delicious, if self-indulgent, breakfast of eggs benedicts, Maura Isles was drawing herself bath. By sticking to a schedule and doing routine things that she enjoyed, Maura was hoping to occupy her mind enough to begin to subconsciously come to terms with Jane's marriage. She was lighting a tea candle in her bathroom when she heard a knock on the door. Sighing Maura set down the matches and adjusted her deep purple running shorts. She quickly crossed her home, not bothering to inquire who was knocking. She had suspected this would happen. "Hello Jane" she said as she swung open the door. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

Jane stepped inside, scanning the room for evidence of illness, injury or any other reason for her absence from the office. "Shouldn't _you _be at work?" Jane countered, dissatisfied at seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

"You know very well I requested today off, I even texted you this morning so we could avoid, this" she said, gesturing at Jane for emphasis. "Obviously that was fruitless"

Jane shrugged, dropping onto Maura's couch. "I was worried! Shoot me for being a good friend!" Maura's eyebrows raised and Jane smiled, "Don't actually shoot me, especially if you want to keep your day off." Maura smiled in spite of herself, swatting Jane on the shoulder. "Do I smell lavender?" Jane asked suddenly.

"Yes Jane. For your information, I was drawing a bath before you barged into my home unannounced." Jane laughed, grabbing Maura by the wrist and pulling her into her lap.

"Now tell Auntie Jane why you skipped work today."

Maura giggled, allowing Jane to pet her hair and stroke her knee lightly. It was a perfect moment, until she felt cold metal brush her skin. The ring on Jane's hand, Jane's hand on her knee; Maura felt sick. She bolted upright, causing Jane to jump up as well.

"What, what's wrong Maur?" Jane spun around the room, scanning for a disturbance before reaching to grab Maura's shoulders.

"No!" Maura said loudly, backing away from Jane, folding her arms across her chest.

"Whoa, okay, okay Maur" Jane said cautiously, raising her hands in surrender. "Tell me what's going on." Her eyes met Maura's, pleading. Maura shook her head vehemently, mouth clamped shut. "Maura you are scaring me." Jane's voice rose, "Let me in, let me in baby." She gathered the smaller woman in her arms, squeezing her tight until she stopped fighting and her shaking breath slowed slightly. Jane guided them carefully onto the floor, wiping away her tears and tucking now damp hair behind her ears. Maura let out a long sigh, cradling her head in her hands.

"Jane, things are going to get complicated."

"That's okay, I'm smarter than I look 'ya know" Jane said, rubbing Maura's back. Maura peered up at her, a smile on the corner of her lips.

"I know you are smart Jane. It's one of the things I love about you." Jane smiled back at Maura encouragingly, and Maura sat up, facing square across from Jane. "The problem Jane is that I am not happy you are marrying Casey." Jane started to interject with an excuse on Maura's behalf, but Maura touched her hand, shaking her head. The sticky feeling churned like bile in Jane's stomach, and suddenly, in what seemed like slow motion, Jane knew what was coming. "I am not happy because I have feelings for you Jane."

"Maura stop, you don't have to-"Jane interrupted, but Maura pushed on.

"I _like_ you Jane, and the only reason we are not together right now is because of you."

Jane sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Maur" she said, saying the other woman's name heavy and slow. "You're my best friend."

Maura nodded, reaching her hand tentatively over, touching the toe of Jane's boot. "I know Jane, you are mine."

Jane looked at the ground. "I don't want to lose that." Maura nodded, examining the way Jane's curls fell across her shoulders. "I just don't want to lose that" Jane repeated in a whisper, and Maura couldn't tell if she was meant to hear. Maura fought the urge to slide a curl through her fingers.

"You know you wouldn't Jane"

Jane's shoulders tightened and she shook her head, still looking at the ground. "Maura, come on" she said, an edge in her voice. Maura crept her fingers higher, tugging lightly on the hem of Jane's charcoal pants. Jane groaned, pulling her foot away sharply. She stood up stiffly, turning around. Maura stood up, following her through the house, not wanting to end the conversation yet.

"Jane" she prompted, reaching out to touch Jane's shoulder. Jane shrugged her off, turning to face Maura only when she had reached the front door.

"Maura" she said, finally meeting her eyes, "I'm sorry but I don't…" she paused, looking Maura up and down, "I just don't want to rip your clothes off. I just don't see you that way." Maura felt her cheeks heat in embarrassment, and she nodded dumbly, not speaking as Jane flashed her an unreadable glance and slipped out the door. Feeling another wave of tears coming, Maura walked back into her bathroom. The bathwater had gone cold. She sighed, draining the tub. She was going to have to rebuild her life, might as well start with the bath.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane drove home fast, blaring whatever was on the radio, focusing on the crackling bass that was thumping in her chest. She banged the car door shut and took the steps three at a time. She threw open the door, kicking off her shoes and dropping her keys. She pulled her gun and badge off and it clattered to the ground.

"Jane?" Casey called, poking his head around the corner, "Aren't you supposed to be at work?"

Jane looked at him, and Casey's brow creased at the panic in her eyes. "Ja-"

"Casey" Jane cut him off, voice feverish, "fuck me."

Xxx

_-Maura? _ 12:42am

_-?_ 12:55am

**-What Jane? It's late and I've had a busy day **1:02am

_-We can still be friends right? _1:03am

**-I do not really know. **1:10am

-_Please M? You are my LLBFF _1:10am

-**You are mine Jane, we can try **1:25am

_-YAY! _1:26am

**-See you tomorrow **1:27am

-_Huh, no "sick" day again? _1:27am

**-Don't push your luck Rizzoli **1:29am

Xxx

It had been two days since Maura had been rejected by Jane. Maura knew Jane wouldn't like Maura saying she rejected her, in fact Jane had told her the next day explicitly not to think of it that way, rather that she loved Maura in a best friend way and she could never imagine them any other way. Maura had listened, knowing how uncomfortable that must have been for Jane to say, but she knew deep down, semantics aside, Jane had simply rejected Maura. Jane had wanted to move on right away, gruffly setting down a latte on Maura's desk the morning after, blushing nervously when Maura noticed the effort. Maura had crossed the room slowly, but when she wrapped her long fingers around the to-go cup, Jane had let out a huge sigh of relief, and Maura couldn't help but smile. Their eyes met, and Jane shrugged, and Maura smiled again, and without a word, they were okay.

Now, as Maura sat next to Jane at lunch, she was struggling to maintain her composure. In Jane's attempt to catapult them back to normalcy, she had decided to dive into wedding planning. After sitting through three hours and twenty six minutes of Angela gushing about various menu plans, being present for the office announcement, (the news was met with excitement, disbelief, and graphic jokes) and now sitting with Jane and Casey as they discussed the honeymoon, Maura's strength was fading.

"Mexico would be fun; you've been there, right M?"

Maura turned, guilty for not paying attention. "I'm sorry, what?" Maura asked.

Casey laughed, "Come on Maura, stay with us! I thought you were too smart to get distracted." Jane frowned, and shot him a look.

"Intelligence has nothing to do with one's chances of being distracted. Distraction is caused by numerous variables, both biological and physiological."

"Doc, it was just a joke."

"Stop it Casey" Jane snapped, automatically dropping her hand to Maura's knee to stroke it. Jane's fingers were hot on Maura's knee, the contact making Maura's center of gravity fall to the middle of her hips. Her lips parted as Jane's index finger dipped to the back of her leg. She looked up at Jane, the want obvious in her eyes. Jane's dark eyes met hers, deep and brooding, though Maura couldn't tell if she was affected the same way Maura was.

"So, is that a no to Mexico?" Both women turned at the sound of Casey's voice, and Jane cleared her throat.

"Um yeah, maybe."

Maura stood up, smoothing her skirt with slightly shaking hands. "I need to leave" she said robotically, "but this was lovely.

"Maur" Jane groaned, watching the blonde's fist clench as she walked away. Casey whistled as he tipped back on his chair.

"I dunno Janie, the Doc is smart but I don't get how you.." he waved his hands, "deal with all that every day" Jane glared at him before dropping her head into her hands; how naïve of her, to think that this would be easy.

About twenty minutes later Maura's phone rang. She had driven aimlessly for ten minutes before deciding on the Boston Library. Being entrenched with knowledge was just the escape she needed. Maura blamed the road for the reason she didn't think to check the caller ID before she answered.

"Hey Maur, I'm really sorry about Casey. He can be a dick." Maura sighed, and pulled off the road.

"Jane, the issue was not Casey, though he is crass."

"Well then why did you leave so fast?"

"You know why" Maura said, frustration leaking into her voice.

"No, I really don't"

"Jane" Maura's voice rose, "Do not feign ignorance with me."

"Okay, fine. I'm sorry. I guess I just don't really know where the line is anymore." She paused. "Besides, I touched your knee, it's not like I grabbed your boob."

"Jane do not make light of my feelings. This is very difficult for me. I have been trying to adjust and be supportive about this wedding while dealing with being rejected by the one person I felt safest with." She was yelling by the end, angry tears in her eyes.

"This has been hard for me too ya know. You just come at me with all these feelings and just expect me to know the right way to act?"

"You adjusted pretty quickly to Casey's proposal!"

"That's not the same thing and you fucking know that!"

Both women were quiet, only ragged breath and static connecting them. Finally, softly, Jane reached out. "What should I do?"

Maura thought for a moment. "I respect you Jane, you know that right?" Jane grunted in affirmation. "I respect your decision with Casey, but you have to respect that this is very difficult for me."

"I do."

"Okay then" she paused, framing words in her mind. "Then can you maybe be a little low-key for awhile?"

"Low-key?"

"Yeah, that's the correct colloquialism for this situation. It's been detrimental to my mental state to watch you parade around with Casey, planning some sort of dream wedding."

"you want me to not plan my own wedding?"

"No, I just, I wasn't expecting you to begin so quickly and to expect me to be so involved."

"Maura as my best friend I kind of thought you would know I would want you to be involved. You know way more about all this fancy stuff anyway"

Maura sighed. "It is painful to help you Jane. It feels like physical pain in my heart when you ask me what flowers to put in your bouquet."

"Maur you will bounce back, it was probably just a crush or something"

Maura ducked her head, tears falling into her lap. "No Jane, its heartbreak" she said, her voice tripping over the word. "I am heartbroken every single day Jane. All I'm asking you to do is just give me two weeks. I just need two weeks without planning and rings and brunches with you and Casey."

"What?"

Sensing Jane's confusion, Maura pushed forward. "You became engaged a week ago, and if you still plan on getting married next summer like you planned, taking two weeks off shouldn't affect anything, and I've even arranged for an event planner I know to handle any incoming inquiries if you want his help."

"So" Jane said slowly "You want me to take a break from being engaged for two weeks so you can adjust?"

"Yes! Well, no" Maura said hurriedly "You can be engaged, I just would like two weeks to reframe our relationship in my mind."

The line went quiet again, and Maura tapped her fingers against the steering wheel nervously. Jane cleared her throat.

"Maura, I care about you so much" Maura smiled "but I am not gonna stop my life. I'm sorry, but I need to do this for me." The line went dead.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay, I have been a hard time getting Jane's voice right.

XXX

As soon as Jane hung up the phone she burst into tears. Her mind was buzzing and the stickiness in her stomach had taken over her entire body. She couldn't gage her own feelings. She was devastated at hurting Maura, and at the same time inexplicably angry at her for making her do it. They had a system, a relationship, an unspoken understanding, and now Maura wanted to put it into words. But Jane didn't know the words. Everything to Maura was so clear, each choice easy. She could lay out the options and be decisive and logical. Jane couldn't do that. She got scared and confused and sentences melted in her mouth like snow falling too early in the season. She couldn't understand the roar inside her ears when Maura said her name or the magnetic pole inside her that oriented her always toward the doctor. Casey was easy and pleasant, like jumping off the tire swing into the pond out back, and Maura. Maura was the Grand Canyon. But the way Jane figured, it was impossible to scale the Grand Canyon, even if the view was greater than anything she had ever seen. Jane stifled another sob, pulling herself back from thoughts she couldn't quite untangle. Maura deserved to know this wasn't her fault. She could explain, somehow, maybe Maura would understand the Grand Canyon.

After two hours of pacing, making excuses, walking Jo, and crying some more, Jane finally worked up the courage to go see Maura. Her hands were shaking as she drove, and she couldn't shake the feeling that she was standing on the edge of something big. As she pulled onto Maura's street she took a deep breath, steadying her nerves. She parked and stepped out of the car, strangely self-conscious. She climbed the steps quickly, noting the light coming from Maura's house. She could see the familiar living room where they spent most Friday nights, with its boring Parisian art and throw pillows that Jane had deemed ungodly expensive. She smiled at the memory of ribbing Maura about them. She knocked once, and finding the door unlocked, walked in. How many times had Jane told her to lock the do-, Jane's thoughts were interrupted by a noise coming from the back of the house. Jane immediately went into high alert, making a phantom gesture for the gun usually resting on her hip. She flattened against a wall and moved through the house. When she reached Maura's bedroom she stopped and dropped her hands limply to her sides.

Maura was in her bed. Her head was thrown back, eyes closed. Her lips were parted and slightly swollen. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her hair tousled around her face. She was naked except for a black lace bra that was resting around her stomach. Her chest rose and fell rapidly and her hand moved to grab the shoulder of the woman whose face was concealed between Maura's legs. Maura let out a grown and Jane's breath hitched. She should leave she thought, but the world was going in slow motion, and before she could back away Maura's head lolled to the side and her eyes opened. Maura's hazy eyes met Jane's panicked ones, and all at once several things happened.

"Jane!" Maura yelled, jolting up.

"What the fuck my name is Rosa!"

"I am SO sorry!" Jane turned on her heel and bolted.

"Jane! STOP!" Maura roared. Jane stopped, her shoulders scrunching. She could hear muffled talking from the bedroom and then Maura appeared, wrapped in a silk robe and seething. "What on Earth are you doing here?"

Jane lifted her hands in surrender "I just…" she struggled for words, "I wanted to talk about earlier I guess"

Maura scoffed "So you couldn't knock?"

Annoyance rose in Jane's throat. "Look I apologized and _you _left your door open! You could have been in danger!"

Maura threw her hands up, exasperated. "It was an accident Jane! And this is a safe neighborhood!"

Jane laughed, "Well I guess, obviously you feel very comfortable"

"Please Jane, can we be mature?"

"Mature?" Jane said incredulously "How about you bringing home some random girl hours after…" Jane trailed off.

"After you rejected me _again?_"

Jane sighed, running her hands through her hair. "Maur" she said softly, reaching toward her.

Maura shook her head "What did you expect, coming here tonight?" her voice still hard.

"I just thought we could talk or something"

"Jane I do not need you to coddle me through you breaking my heart anymore. And you cannot expect me to want to just sit down and have beer with you and pretend everything is okay"

Anger flared in Jane's throat "Maura that wasn't even what I came here for! I wanted to make sure you knew … ya know what, just have fun. Obviously you aren't too sad about anything"

Maura laughed bitterly "Oh I forgot, I'm supposed to be the celibate heartbroken girl. Tell me Jane, are you and Casey still having sex?"

"That's different Maura!" Jane's voice broke "I just, I feel"

Maura sighed, "Does it change anything Jane?"

Jane met Maura's eyes, and a current passed between them, and fear rose in Jane's voice. She opened her mouth and closed it again, silent. Maura opened the front door

"Then Jane, I have to do this for me"


	5. Chapter 5

It was Sunday night and Jane was frustrated. It was 6:50 and Maura had not been answering her phone all day. It had been a strange couple of weeks. They had danced around one another for a few days before Jane had yielded, inviting Maura to go for a run with her and Jo Friday. Maura had seemed stiff; accepting with a formality Jane knew came from wariness. Jane had bounced nervously on the balls of her feet outside Maura's door, half expecting her not to come out. Her mind kept flashing back to the last time she was here, and the stickiness flared up in her stomach. She broke out in a huge smile of relief when she saw Maura wave out the window, and in a moment she couldn't explain even now, she had slipped off her ring and tucked it in her pocket. Maura had come out of her house, and the familiarity of her ponytail and name brand running shorts washed over Jane. They had run silently at first, Jo's panting keeping time with their footsteps.

"I have decided to run some new tests on the John Doe in the lab" Maura said. It wasn't much, but it was a start. They talked sporadically, and mostly about work, but Jane had felt lighter than she had in a long time. When they had returned to Maura's house, Jane had declined the blonde's invitation for breakfast. A current passed between them and it was clear Maura knew why Jane wasn't staying. Jane had left quickly, guilty and already late. Since then they had a tenuous arrangement, doing routine, if frivolous activities together. Never lasting more than a few hours, Jane would either leave without specifying why or she would notice Maura drawing into herself, and Jane would know it's time to go.

Today had been the first Rizzoli family dinner since Jane and Maura's…incident. Casey was out of town for the weekend and Jane had told him not to worry about coming back for dinner. She had immediately invited Maura, who hesitated slightly before agreeing to come. It was unspoken that Maura's coming meant Casey was not. Now, as Jane sat in her car in Maura's driveway, Jane was scared that Maura would back out. Jane had been screwing up so badly lately, and this dinner seemed like the perfect opportunity to forget about the past and show Maura that she was still Jane's family, still the most important person in her life. Normally Jane would just walk through the front door and announce herself. She would tease Maura for how long she was taking, lay on the bed and watch as Maura slipped on and off blouse after blouse, twirl around in the mirror, scrutinize her shoe choice. It never mattered in the end, Maura always looked perfect. This time though, even Jane knew that was where the new line was drawn. And Maura was sure to keep her door locked now. So, instead, she sat fidgeting in her car, antsy and lonely. The frequent stickiness was inside her again, and she bent forward, leaning her forehead against the steering wheel, trying to corral her feelings.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Jane started, jerking up to face the concerned woman next to her. At the look and depth in Maura's eyes Jane suddenly felt like she was going to cry.

"I just, didn't see you get in" she managed, her throat thick with emotions.

Maura nodded, still watching her. She reached out, her hand hovering between them, before dropping it into her lap. Jane reached over, taking her hand in her own. Maura twitched, trying briefly to move it away, but Jane shook her head.

"I just, I need…" she struggled, her voice heavy with emotion. Maura nodded, shifting in the seat until she could look directly at Jane.

"Should I hug you?" she asked.

What a completely Maura thing to say. Jane laughed, a small sob catching in the middle. In a moment Maura had crossed in front of the car and opened Jane's door. Jane allowed herself to be pulled upright by the smaller woman, tilting her head against the blonde curls and relishing the felling of Maura squeezing and rocking her. Jane balled up the fabric of Maura's shirt in her hands, trying to express everything she felt.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered, "I am so so sorry Maura." The other woman nodded into Jane's shoulder, tracing circles on her back.

"I know Jane". It came out softly, muffled by their contact. Jane let out another sob, a release of everything inside her. She felt Maura brace herself against Jane, keeping them both steady. Without thinking Jane moved her head slightly, pressing a small kiss against Maura's hair. Maura stiffened but did not pull away, so Jane did it again, her lips meeting Maura over and over, the motion calming as she began to cry softly. Maura's shoulders shuddered softly, and Jane pulled away, tilting Maura's face up to hers.

"Hey, hey Maur, I'm sorry." Her voice was still husky, "I didn't mean to upset you too". A small smile ghosted Maura's lips.

"You've ruined my mascara"

Jane laughed, "My bad."

Maura shrugged, and stepped away from Jane, "Let's go to your moms. She's probably so mad we are late."

"Yeah I'm sorry. I know I chose this, I guess it's just harder than I thought." Maura didn't answer, instead smoothing Jane's sweater for her. The two women walked silently to the car. Angela really was going to kill them .


	6. Chapter 6

"Jane! Are you even listening to me?"

Jane smiled guiltily at Casey. It was true, she wasn't listening. There was a lot going on now, it wasn't her fault she lacked interest in Casey's cousins bar league baseball or whatever.

Casey sighed, "Fine, tell me what's bothering you."

"It's Maura"

Casey rolled his eyes. "Shocker"

"No! Listen, she's been talking about introducing me to Rosa"

"Who is Rosa?"

Jane sighed, "I'm not sure really, but they are seeing each other"

Casey's eyebrow shot up. "I didn't know Maura dated women" Casey smirked, "Not that it's hard to imagine"

Jane grimaced, "Ew Casey, don't be gross!"

He laughed and stood up from the table, clearing his plate. "Besides, who cares if you meet her?"

"Because" Jane said, 'That means that it might actually mean something"

"What does that matter?" Casey said from the kitchen

Jane wrinkled her brow, "I don't know I just didn't actually think she would be with someone so soon"

"You sound a little jealous in there Janie"

"Shut up!" Jane was glad Casey couldn't see the flush that had crept up her neck.

"Besides", Casey called, "Maura is a grown woman. She can chose who she dates. Now bring your dishes in here will ya?"

XxX

Maura was feeling rather pleased with herself. Her pumpkin ravioli had turned out well, the spice not too overpowering, and the wine had paired well. Rosa had enjoyed it, though she looked a little confused when Maura had answered the door fully clothed. While Maura liked their trysts, she figured that if she really wanted to get over Jane she needed to actually try and get to know Jane on an intellectual level. Rosa was nice, an economics reporter for the Boston Globe. In some ways she reminded Maura of Jane, with her sharp wit and affinity for baseball. But Rosa lacked the core warmth Jane had, so even when she was teasing, Maura knew it came from Jane's soft side. Rosa swore more than Jane too, even though Maura had mentioned her distaste for vulgarity. She frowned, her attitude darkening. She had to stop comparing them. Maura had thought that by going through the motions, she would "get over" her feelings for Jane. She had never been heartbroken before, but she didn't think it was supposed to last this long. She massaged her temples, maybe it was, she really had no idea.

"I can give you a massage" Rosa purred in Maura's ears. Her arms wrapped around Maura from behind and Maura felt Rosa's body settle against her. Maura was suddenly claustrophobic, and she disengaged Rosa's arms, turning around and wove her fingers between Rosas, not wanting to hurt her feelings. Here was a beautiful, intelligent, confident woman right in front of her, and Maura couldn't stop thinking about Jane. Everything was so confusing now, with Jane marrying Casey, but taking off her ring with Maura, and now she had Rosa but Jane had kissed her hair and Maura was sure she had felt Jane's heartbeat jump when she let her keep doing it. Rosa leaned over and began kissing Maura's neck. A roaring started in her ears. This is why Jane didn't have friends, why she worked in a morgue. She couldn't organize her feelings; there was no hard evidence to analyze. There were no studies to research, nothing to prepare her to navigate this situation. Rosa's hands drifted to her hips, and Maura became too overwhelmed, and she jumped back.

"Whoa" Rosa exclaimed, looking at her puzzled.

"I am so sorry Rosa, I'm just…" Maura said, struggling to explain what was happening inside her head.

Rosa nodded, tucking a stray hair behind Maura's ear. "It's okay babe, you're dealing with shit, I get it."

Maura's shoulder's dropped. "Rosa you are so beautiful, and you have been so kind. This has nothing to do with you."

Rosa's lips quirked into a smile, "Oh I know, I'm great at what I do" she winked. Maura laughed.

"Yes you are. I wish I could keep seeing you"

Rosa kissed Maura's cheek. "Don't worry doll, I'll be fine. I've got a couple more doctors on call".

Maura smiled, walking Rosa to the door.

"Thanks for dinner Maura" Maura nodded.

Rosa drummed her fingers on the door frame, and cocked her head at Maura. "That crazy lady you're crying over? She likes you. You should have seen the way she looked at me when I realized we had company." Rosa shuddered dramatically, "Yikes!" She winked once more, and sauntered down the hall.


End file.
